


Immer Noch (Still)

by DarkrystalSky



Series: Building Up Walls [3]
Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Gen, M/M, Slow Burn, just a lot of domestic fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-11-15 13:50:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11232321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkrystalSky/pseuds/DarkrystalSky
Summary: Neko is simply passing time, simply living. Shiro is enjoying a brief moment that won't last forever. Kuroh is asking questions.Kuroh isalwaysasking questions.





	1. Name

**Author's Note:**

> I am unable of letting go of this AU. Anyway, more shenanigans from these three, set during/after the previous two fics. Mostly short one-shots with no regular update. Yes, it's a fic dump, enjoy.

Once again, he asks point-blank.

 

He found out quickly that taking him by surprise actually increases the chances of getting an answer out of him. The light insincerity of his wasn’t a passing fancy of his fake persona, but rather part of his character from the very beginning, and it made everything he said questionable at best.

 

The best way of getting the truth out of him was either to push into a corner - something that Kuroh’d rather avoid unless necessary - or catch him off-guard.

 

“What does K stand for?”

 

“...K?”

 

“In your name. Adolf K. Weismann. What does the K stand for?” Kuroh repeats, nonchalantly.

 

“Ugh...” Shiro proceeds to look up from his notes wearing the weirdest expression Kuroh has ever seen the man make, something akin to disgust mixed with annoyance. When he finally replies he sounds like he’s dragging the words forcefully out of his mouth.

 

“Do I have to answer?”

 

Kuroh blinks, taken aback by the unusual reaction. How did he always end up being the surprised one again? “Not if you don’t want to…” he tries.

 

“Good,” Shiro’s attention apparently shifts back to the open book on his desk, but he struggles to focus, frowning with annoyance.

 

Well, that did touch a weird cord, but Kuroh knows what’s coming next. He’s slowly starting to understand this man.

 

“I actually never liked either of my names, honestly.” He indeed replies a few moments later. “Too... _wichtigtuer_ , how do you say…” his voice trails off into a mumble as he apparently goes back to work. “Exaggerated! No, that’s not right…” he alternates these moments where he’s apparently still answering and next he’s ignoring Kuroh completely.

 

“Pompous? Ostentatious?” Kuroh tries after a few minutes of silence and mumbles.

 

“Anyway, everybody just used...uses my last name and  _Adi-san_ , sometimes.”

 

That makes Kuroh smile: “ _Adi-san?_ ”

 

“That’s how I introduced myself to the occasional guests I let on board.  _Adi_ is fine if you really want to use my real name. My sister used to call me Adi, I suppose I don’t mind if you want to call me that.” He sounds bothered, though, far from  _fine_ . Far from  _don’t mind_ .

 

_He doesn’t want us to call him anything but ‘Shiro’._

 

“Adi…” Neko was quietly by Kuroh’s side, so quietly he actually thought the girl had been asleep the whole time. “Adi…” she tries again. The man turns around to look at her with curiosity and worry, before the girl smiles and shakes her head.

 

“Nope!  _Shiro_ sounds better. You’re always gonna be Shiro to Neko!”

 

“Sounds about right!” he grins at her. Kuroh smiles as well.

 

He often didn’t get answers, but he always got to know something new about him, and that was just right.


	2. Unvollkommen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imperfect, _adj._  
>  [1] with weaknesses or deficiencies  
> [2] Not complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Everything about him, and us, and all of this, is…it’s imperfect! And those imperfections in our reality are the seams and the cracks into which our out-sized love can seep and pool. And sometimes we are annoyed, and disappointed, and that too is a part of how love works.”_
> 
> _from “Welcome to Night Vale - Condos”_
> 
>  

Shiro’s hands are pale and slender and the way he moves them around overdramatically when he speaks makes them look uncanny, as if they had more joints than humanly possible. But his hands are far from perfect.

 

There’s ink stains he forgets or doesn’t manage to wash away, due to his obstinacy on writing everything by hand instead of using any of the digital interfaces available on the ship.

 

_“It helps me think better.”_ He explained once.

 

They’re back on the ground and Shiro is, for the lack of a better word,  _ransacking_ the university’s bookstore. Kuroh once went shopping with Yukari and not even then his senior had so many bags with him back then.

 

The Silver King browses the pages quickly, detached from everything in the world. Kuroh envies his level of concentration: even during his training, he only seldom managed to keep such focus. For the time being, though, he has to keep an eye on Neko to avoid the girl toppling the shelves: it doesn’t help the fact that the girl decided on a whim to lose her clothes once again and to make herself invisible to anyone but the two of them.

 

There’s already a small group of students eyeing the two with curiosity and wariness, in a corner of the store. Kuroh is motioning them to leave when a loud yelp from Neko alerts him about the impending disaster. The shelf she’s standing on creaks and snaps under her weight.

 

Shiro finally looks up from the pages just as the shop clerk runs to the broken shelf  with an upset expression and starts bowing at them, bawling excuses, unknowing it was Neko and not the weight of the books, that broke the wooden shelf.

 

As they leave the shop with even more bags, a small crowd has approached because of the ruckus. Kuroh waits for them to be in an area with less people to finally slap Neko on the back of her head and scold her for the  _unwanted attention_ she caused.

 

He half expects Shiro to come to her defense.  _He’s always so lenient with her, they should really have a talk about that._ What he doesn’t expect is the way he does so.

 

“They weren’t even looking at her, they were looking at me.”

 

Kuroh arches an eyebrow. It’s true that Shiro looks like a foreigner but he’s not  _so_ conspicuous as he would be with one of his usual attires: his hair is tied up in a similar fashion as Kuroh’s and he’s wearing a simple white coat and scarf. Kuroh’s glad he’s getting him to drop the renaissance-ish style he seems to prefer when he’s on the ship or meeting the other kings. Fancy, alright. But there’s a limit to everything.

 

“Shiro! I’m cold!” Neko wails, slipping under his coat to hug him.

 

“You threw away your own clothes!” Kuroh snaps, before recomposing himself. “People were attracted to the noise, I’m sure there’s all kind of foreigners who go to that library.”

 

“Although I’ve lived in Japan for most of my life!” Shiro laughs, adjusting his step to fit Neko more comfortably in his coat. “But I didn’t mean as a foreigner. They aren’t just as used to see an  _unvollkommen_ like that…”

 

Kuroh jolts. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word but there's something about it that sends shivers down his spine.

 

“ _Unwelcome_ ?” he tries with the English word that sounds more similar. Shiro gives him a weird look, as if he thinks Kuroh’s feigning ignorance.

 

“Imperfect, I think you’d say in Japanese.” He corrects him in the end, keeping his tone light and expression serene.

 

Kuroh stops in his tracks. It takes Shiro a few seconds to realize he stayed behind. When he does realize, he slowly turns around, looking at him with genuine surprise.

 

“Ku…”

 

“ _Imperfect_ ?!” Kuroh hisses. “What the  _hell_ does that even mean?”

 

Shiro blinks, taken aback by this reaction. “It’s no big deal...I thought it was obvious…?”

 

Kuroh is about to reply but the words die in his throat. He told him this before, didn’t he? _I would have surely ended up in a work camp with a pink triangle on my clothes if I hadn’t proved the country that I was a genius._

 

He would’ve ended in a concentration camp. Because he looked different. Because they considered albinism a defect, something to be ashamed of. And he  _probably never questioned or realized they had been wrong_ .

 

Kuroh takes a deep breath and speaks very slowly: “Shiro, nobody thinks that anymore in this country and age,” he tells him. “Those who stopped were just interested to see two strangers on campus. I’m carrying a sword and you…”  _look rather attractive_ . Kuroh bites his tongue before blurting that out, but can’t stop the blush creeping up his cheeks.

 

“Kuroh…”

 

“Anyway, what I mean to say is…”  _You’re perfect as you are. No, that’s not it_ . “We...all people are imperfect,  _unvollkommen_ , and it’s those imperfections that makes us people, that makes us real. It makes you  _you_ , it makes me  _me_ , it makes Neko helself…” At some point during this speech, he walked up to him, closing the space between them. “So stop thinking of yourself of any less than human, you idiot.”

 

Shiro’s eyes are watering when he suddenly pulls Kuroh in a hug. It’s awkward and uncomfortable and Neko is being squeezed up in the middle but they don’t mind.

 

It feels like a wall just started crumbling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In K-Countdown, a panel especially got me. Klaudia says something along the lines of “although you’re imperfect, you still work for the army” and I’ve spent days thinking about the meaning and implications of that line. This short story is my way of finally condensing a lot of headcanons I have about this matter: “how did an albino, (probably gay), pacifist end up working for the Ahnenerbe?”


	3. Weiss (White)

_“No, wait!” the boy screams, features contorted in rage and fear. “You can’t--” his words are cut off in a choked scream, as Kotowari is buried up to the hilt into his heart. Kuroh shakes, letting go of the sword as the boy’s body slumps to the ground. Neko’s ear-piercing scream doesn’t reach his ears until much later: there’s no playfulness in the way she tackles him to the ground, nails planted into his skin. She reminds Kuroh of a lioness who just lost her cub, the furious despair of a child who has nothing left._

 

Kuroh wakes up with a start. This is not the first time sleep has forced him to revive the gruesome death of the Colorless King so he’s not really surprised. What takes him off guard as he wakes up is white.

 

Everything is white.

 

Slowly, he pulls his head over the covers. Sunlight floods the grand room from a large window, but doesn’t seem to bother the two figures peacefully sleeping beside him. How did he end up in this situation anyway? Oh, right.

 

Neko literally dragged him out of his bed and into Shiro’s room in the middle of the night, claiming the man had been restless like he was having a nightmare.

 

He was still when they barged in his room. He was awake.

 

“You didn’t have to bring Kuroh here,” he jokingly scolded her as she draped herself over him. “Sorry Neko woke you up.”

 

Kuroh shook his head: “I don’t mind. Are you alright?”

 

“No real danger, I’m fine.” He seemed to realize he said something weird when he let out a small “ah,” at Kuroh’s frown.

 

“Do you have nightmares?” Kuroh blurted out. “Usually?” he added when he noticed how the other two were looking at him.

 

Shiro just gave him a tired smile: “Sometimes.”

 

Neko’s cry interrupted them both. “Kuro, Kuro! Come here! This bed is waaay bigger than the one in our previous home! We can all fit!”

 

“Uh, Ne-Neko, wait!” Shiro sat up and tried to stop her, but the girl had already jumped on her feet and dragged Kuroh inside the room.

 

The boy fell awkwardly on the mattress, under the girl who was clumsily attempting to tuck them both him.

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, there was inevitably a sense of calm in being so close to each other. Kuroh knew that nightmares would come back but he didn’t really mind, if he could awoke next to people he cared about.  _Was it the same for Shiro?_

 

The nightmares are far from over, for either of them.

But when he’s awake? When he’s awake he can dream.

 


	4. Albern (Ridiculous)

The day before the meeting with the Green King, Kuroh prepares hot chocolate. Neko’s listening intently as Shiro reads out loud a storybook for her: the two of them are sitting on the floor of the living room just outside the kitchen space and  _seriously Kuroh keeps marvelling at the sheer size of the ship_ .

 

Anyway, despite it being the day before what is going to be another stressful event, the atmosphere among the three of them is quite relaxed.

 

Kuroh has just finished pouring the hot beverage in three mugs when he's taken by surprise by a loud yelp followed by a  _thud_ , pages fluttering, what sound like a table being dragged on the floor and finally a loud bang.

 

Dumbfounded, he stays completely still in the silence that follows until Shiro’s muffled voice comes from the other room.

 

“I’m ok!” he calls, followed by Neko’s howling laughter. Kuroh leaves the mugs behind and peeks outside into the room just in time to witness Shiro rising back on his feet with a disgruntled expression and Neko literally rolling on her back laughing. The tatami chair and short table moved from the initial position and the books lies opened face-down on the floor.

 

“What the hell…?” Kuroh asks again, tentatively.

 

“Nothing,” Shiro tries to smile, “I just almost died.”

 

“Shiro just went PAF!” Neko exclaims as she emulates a quite comedic faceplant. Kuroh smiles as he spots an embarrassed blush on Shiro's face as the latter pulls back his hair on a ponytail.

 

“ _Oh_ ” Kuroh smirks and chuckles quietly, before backtracking in the kitchen to return with the three steaming mugs.

 

“Cocoa!” Neko exclaims as she rushes to grab hers.

 

“Don't drink it now! Wait for it to cool a little bit….” Kuroh tries to hand Shiro another mug, but realizes the man has walked away from them to sit on a fluffy sofa in a corner of the room.

 

With a sigh, the boy walks up to him, a mug in each hand. “Nervous for tomorrow?”

 

Shiro chuckles. “ _Nervous_ is an understatement.”

 

Neko yelps in pain as she tries to drink the hot chocolate straightaway.

 

“I'm glad you'll be there to protect me if things turn ugly, though.”

 

“You hardly need  _me_ to protect  _you_ ” Kuroh scoffs. Shiro still doesn't look like he's going to take his mug, so Kuroh places both of them on the table before falling down on the sofa beside Shiro.

 

Shiro's hair is always loose when he's on the ship, often swept back with a single strand loose on the side. Right now, he seems to be avoiding Kuroh’s eyes as he plays with said strand between his fingers.

 

“Do you want me to cut it?” Kuroh offers, trying to bring out a lighter conversation topic.

 

Shiro pouts and doesn't reply.  _That expression_ . Kuroh knows that expression: it's the same he's seen him make a few days earlier when he asked about his name.

 

Shiro's hand falls and he turns his back on Kuroh, murmuring something unintelligible.

 

“What?” Kuroh sighs.

 

“...think it’s ridiculous…”

 

Kuroh snorts and takes a sip of hot chocolate from his own mug. Neko approached them cautiously.

 

“Shiro? What’s wrong? Does your tummy hurt?” she calls. He shakes his head but keeps still. Kuroh is getting used to this  _childish_ behaviour of his, so he simply waits for him to resume the conversation.

 

“Can I tell you something?” the man murmurs tentatively.

 

Kuroh puts down the mug and looks at him, without replying. “I’m listening.”

 

“Don’t ask me that again.”

 

“Don’t ask what?”

 

“To cut my hair.” A long moment of silence, Neko is sitting on the floor, watching them with curiosity.

 

“Ok.”

 

“You don’t want to know the reason?”

 

“I’m listening.” Kuroh repeats, nonchalantly.  _He’s doing everything on his own_ , he can’t stop himself from smiling now.

 

“ _Isana Yashiro had short hair_ .” Shiro grumbles so quietly Kuroh hardly understands his words. He’s quite taken aback when he realized what he said:  _why would he say that_ ? Then, slowly, it dawns on him and his smile falls.

 

“Are you  _an idiot_ ?” Kuroh slams down the mug on the table on their side. Shiro jolts before turning around to face him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “Are you still thinking about that?  _Are you afraid I’ll be hurt if I think about that_ ?”

 

An unspoken  _yes_ transpired from Shiro’s awkward expression.

 

Kuroh just sighs. “You told me yourself when we first met, didn’t you?”

 

“I’m not sure what you…”

 

“It’s what’s inside that matters.”

 

Realization dawns on him, as his features slowly relax and a small smile appears on his lips. Neko nods solemnly, even if she clearly has no idea what has just transpired.

 

“Anyway you should really cut it. It  _is_ a bit ridiculous…” Kuroh adds nonchalantly.

 

“Ah?” Shiro exclaims, pouting. “No way!”

 

“It is, it gives you such a  _manga villain_ vibe.” Kuroh’s not really one for jokes but he’s kept this one for days, trying to find the best moment to drop it. He hides his grin in the mug as he sips more hot chocolate.

 

“Ah?!”

 

Despite it being the eve of a critical day, they are taking it easy, the atmosphere are relaxed and just like that, they are simply enjoying each other company.

 

Kuroh hasn’t had nightmares for days.


	5. Reue (Regret)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write the face-off with the Green King, but nothing good came out so here you go, have this thing.

He miscalculated. He severely miscalculated.

 

He put himself in danger and even worse, he put two people very dear to him in danger. He figured Neko’s powers could get them out of a bad situation if things took a turn for the worse, he didn’t realize she would find herself cornered by not one but two Kings.

 

He naively thought the Green King wouldn’t try to put himself in a position of power by bringing with him a powerful ally, instead of a friend.

 

He was a fool to not realize sooner the Grey King was still alive.

He let Kuroh come with them, surveil the discussion from afar. He never thought the other former Colorless Clansman, probably the only man in the world able to best the Black Dog’s sword skills, would have become a follower of the Green King.

 

And now they had kidnapped Neko,  _to make sure you don’t hinder our plans any further_ , fatally injured Kuroh and he had no idea what to do to save him but extend the protection of his sanctum to him. Make him a Silver Clansman.

 

_I’m sorry, this is not how I wanted it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

 

Under different circumstances, he would have been glad to have Kuroh as a clansman,  _but not like this, not out of necessity instead of free will_ .

 

Besides, his Sword of Damocles appeared, so sooner or later he would have to explain what happened to the Gold King and  _he couldn’t_ .  _They had an hostage, they had Neko_ .

 

So instead of flying back to Tokyo, he let the ship wander east, over the open sea. He opened a bottle of wine after the other in the long hours that followed, waiting for Kuroh to wake up.

 

Daikaku’s call came sooner than he thought. He ignored it one, two and three times before the attempts stopped.  _Why wouldn’t he understand he wanted to be left alone?_

 

The panoramic room’s door opens slowly, but Shiro doesn’t move from his seat.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

_Please, go away_ . “I’m fine.” Shiro replies, more coldly than intended. “You?”

 

A long pause almost makes him want to turn around, to see with his own eyes if Kuroh is really there. He doesn’t.

 

“What did you do?” The tone of his voice is anything but accusatory and yet it makes Shiro brace himself for the worst as he answers slowly.

 

“You won’t be immortal like me, but the Silver Sanctum will protect you. You will live a long life, injuries like those won’t be fatal anymore…” he has to stop as his voice starts to break.

 

“Shiro…”

 

Light steps announce Kuroh as he finally walks closer to face him. His features are clouded with worry and tiredness but not a hint of anger.

 

“I’m sorry…” Shiro repeats, avoiding his gaze. “I’m so sorry…”

 

“It wasn’t your fault. I should have known better than try to face Mishakuji on even ground.” There  _is_ anger in his voice, there is regret.

 

“I should have never brought you two there.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Kuroh sighs. “You didn’t  _bring_ us there. We came  _with_ you.”

 

Shiro jerks back when Kuroh extends a hand to grab him. Avoiding to look him in the eye he walks away from the sofa, stopping just inches away from the trap door he  _still so vividly_ remembers falling from.

 

“I’ll turn us around and land. You can leave then,” he says, barely a whisper.

 

He was never meant not to be alone, he realizes. He should have never got close to them  _and yet…_

 

“Do you want me to leave?” Kuroh wonders, calmly.

 

“What would you do if I did?”

 

“I’d respect your wish…”

 

Shiro clenches his fist. “No…” he murmurs, “who cares about  _my_ wish?! You should do as you please!” He raises his voice but doesn’t turn around to face him yet.

 

“Shiro,” Kuroh sighs, sounding midly annoyed. “Are you crying?”

 

“I’m not crying!” he replies, before realizing he clearly is. “I...was a fool.”

 

Kuroh doesn’t move, the silence is so heavy he can hear him breathing behind him.

 

“I thought I could change, get closer to people, build some kind of... _family_ .” Kuroh draws a sharp breath. “It would have been better if I hadn’t met you at all. I wouldn’t have forced you to come here and got you hurt...”

 

And then, all of a sudden, Kuroh grabs him by the collar of his shirt and slams him against the glass walls. “You  _idiot_ !” He cries. “How dare you imply I did  _anything_ against my own will?!”

 

Shiro doesn’t change expression until the meaning of those words starts to sink in. Then, he just looks at the other man’s face with shock.

 

“I met you because of circumstances, but I  _chose_ not to kill you, I  _chose_ to stay but your side, I  _chose_ to come with you in this giant  _floating coffin_ you call a home. And I was ready to become your Clansman, even if you apparently had not the  _nerve_ to ask me.”

 

At this confession, Shiro can’t find any proper words to reply. “But...Ichigen...you said...”

 

“Of course I did! I’ll never be able to think of you as my  _King_ because you’re already my  _friend_ , Shiro!” Kuroh screams, then acts as he’s surprised to have said that himself. He slowly lets Shiro go.

 

And Shiro slowly embraces him, dragging him down as he falls on his knees. Kuroh’s arms move around his neck as he reciprocates the hug.

 

“We have to rescue Neko.” Kuroh murmurs, without moving.

 

“It’s gonna be tricky, the Green King surveils all communications.”

 

“I never said it wouldn’t be hard,” Kuroh scoffs, slapping softly the back of Shiro’s head, before letting go and rising up on his feet. “But you’re a genius, aren’t you? I’m sure you can figure it out.”

 

Shiro laughs quietly, as he also stands up to look down on Kuroh. it still feels unnatural to look  _down_ on him.

 

“I’ll need help.”

 

“Thankfully you realized that. There’s people who’ll give it to you, if you just approach them in the right way.”

 

“I’m anything but a fighter, if it comes to facing the Green and Grey Kings again.”

 

“That’s why I’m your Clansman.” Kuroh smirks confidently. “My sword is yours.”

 

“That sounds like quite the ambiguous stat…”

 

He should have seen the punch coming, honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the bittersweet ending to Immer Noch. I will probably continue this AU with another fanfic, someday. Meanwhile, I've got Gefallen and Transient to focus on (and another fic in Italian I'll probably someday translate properly), so keep reading and reviewing! Hugs!


End file.
